Butterfly Green

In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.~John Muir

I took a walk today.

This afternoon my phone rang.

A voice on the other end of the line, a voice I love, a familiar voice. The voice told me he was gone, my old friend.

And for a few minutes the familiar voice became hollow, became death.

My friend... who would have celebrated his 38th year today. My friend, my age, so soon, young children, one of us.

So unexpected, no time to prepare. No succumbing to a terminal illness, no surpassing the odds of a juvenile defect, no lingering farewell, hands clasped, tears shed. No time for goodbye, no chance to say those last few things everyone needs to say.


Tragic, senseless...quick...as death so often is.

I had dared to hope. Maybe he would wake, maybe he would open his eyes and tell us what he'd been dreaming, maybe we'd reminisce about old times and watch our children play together...

...like we'd talked about...


And then the phone rang...and he was gone.

And my hope was gone.

I took a walk today.

Down a familiar path. A pond awakening with new life. Trees opening their buds, ducks and geese breeding and brooding.

The sun warms my face, the wind blows my hair, the smell as Spring becomes Summer.

I let it come.

The rage, the grief, the hurt, the why.

The why. Why him, why now, why one of us, why so young, why with so many and so much left behind, left to do, left to say? Why?!? WHY?!?

The answer, as always, as unpredictable as the human asking.

Sent as a butterfly. Small, white feathered wings. Full of joy and songs. Skipping across the pond, ignoring my hurt, my grief, my rage...

....my why.

There was the answer and the answer was, "Because it is."

"Because it is."

"Remember. Live. Appreciate. Every single moment.".

And there was no more.

Because this is Life. The Circle, as the legends and songs say.

Life and Death are twin brothers along this path. And both welcome us in our time.

It is up to us to what we choose to do in between. How we choose to Live.

I will Remember my friend. In a special place in my mind and heart he will remain, young and smiling. I will Remember him for the Life he lived, and for the Life he's given to me. I will Remember him.

I will Live every moment of this Life until every last drop in the cup has been drunk. And I will take seconds, thirds and fourths, as many glasses as I am able, until I can drink no more. I will Live.

I will Appreciate every sip. The bitter and the sweet. The Red and the White. Because every moment of this Life is worth celebrating, worth Living. I will Appreciate.

Remember. Live. Appreciate. Every single moment.

I took a walk today....and today my Life walked with me.

(Dedicated to Keith Williams. I'll miss you.)
Redhead sparkling

The Real LJ Idol

As many of you know, I was the Season 2 winner of therealljidol.

For those of you who don't know what that is, I highly recommend clicking on the link and checking it out.

therealljidol means a lot to me. It brought me out of a shell I'd been in for years and got me writing again. It gave me back a confidence I didn't have for a long time and introduced me to a lot of really wonderful people.

I was asked by the host to write about my experience in Idol to give some of the new people an idea of what they would experience. If you click on any of my Idol links you'll see exactly what the competition brought out in me. I wrote about my life in a way that I never had before, some of the deepest entries I'd ever written here.

It was very good for me and I've heard a lot of other people say the same.

If you've ever been interested in writing or have felt "stuck" by your Muse it's a great place to flex that writing muscle.

Check it out, you'll be glad you did.