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12 April 2010 @ 09:30 pm
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.~John Muir  
I took a walk today.

This afternoon my phone rang.

A voice on the other end of the line, a voice I love, a familiar voice. The voice told me he was gone, my old friend.

And for a few minutes the familiar voice became hollow, became death.

My friend... who would have celebrated his 38th year today. My friend, my age, so soon, young children, one of us.

So unexpected, no time to prepare. No succumbing to a terminal illness, no surpassing the odds of a juvenile defect, no lingering farewell, hands clasped, tears shed. No time for goodbye, no chance to say those last few things everyone needs to say.


Tragic, senseless...quick...as death so often is.

I had dared to hope. Maybe he would wake, maybe he would open his eyes and tell us what he'd been dreaming, maybe we'd reminisce about old times and watch our children play together...

...like we'd talked about...


And then the phone rang...and he was gone.

And my hope was gone.

I took a walk today.

Down a familiar path. A pond awakening with new life. Trees opening their buds, ducks and geese breeding and brooding.

The sun warms my face, the wind blows my hair, the smell as Spring becomes Summer.

I let it come.

The rage, the grief, the hurt, the why.

The why. Why him, why now, why one of us, why so young, why with so many and so much left behind, left to do, left to say? Why?!? WHY?!?

The answer, as always, as unpredictable as the human asking.

Sent as a butterfly. Small, white feathered wings. Full of joy and songs. Skipping across the pond, ignoring my hurt, my grief, my rage...

....my why.

There was the answer and the answer was, "Because it is."

"Because it is."

"Remember. Live. Appreciate. Every single moment.".

And there was no more.

Because this is Life. The Circle, as the legends and songs say.

Life and Death are twin brothers along this path. And both welcome us in our time.

It is up to us to what we choose to do in between. How we choose to Live.

I will Remember my friend. In a special place in my mind and heart he will remain, young and smiling. I will Remember him for the Life he lived, and for the Life he's given to me. I will Remember him.

I will Live every moment of this Life until every last drop in the cup has been drunk. And I will take seconds, thirds and fourths, as many glasses as I am able, until I can drink no more. I will Live.

I will Appreciate every sip. The bitter and the sweet. The Red and the White. Because every moment of this Life is worth celebrating, worth Living. I will Appreciate.

Remember. Live. Appreciate. Every single moment.

I took a walk today....and today my Life walked with me.

(Dedicated to Keith Williams. I'll miss you.)
Jenny: Faithjenny_evergreen on April 13th, 2010 03:14 am (UTC)
Exactly. *nodding* *hugs*
The fucking YARN FAIRY!: rosemac_arthur_park on April 13th, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC)
Beautifully written. I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs*
Little Dreamerdandelion_diva on April 14th, 2010 12:48 am (UTC)
Oh hon. I'm so sorry. I wish him well in whatever comes next.

Sending lots of good thoughts and vibes.
yitubias on April 10th, 2011 09:32 pm (UTC)
I don’t bookmark sites but i will bookmark this! LOL!

shavercucu on November 1st, 2011 10:33 pm (UTC)
Love your site man keep up the good work